Lonestar

Your voice after 20 years

Caught me off guard 

Kept me up all night

Set my mind racing 

Our first kiss 

Your warm yellow jumper

That red dress

Your cold nose on Christmas 

Oh how I adored you.

And tomorrow I will meet your children

Native

We got separated at the station.

She boarded an almost full bogey and the doors closed behind her.

I took the next train and her hand found mine on the platform a few minutes later.

She had missed me and I was pleased.

Hand in hand we walked to her parked blue van.

A few moments later we were driving down the narrow winding streets.

Trying our best to interrupt the longing looks with witty banter.

It felt great to be back.

She fumbled with one hand in her messy bag and pulled out a little device, put a tiny straw into it and said “Pull gently”

As I did,the tiny straw came loose and my mouth was filled with the strange pink and purple fluid. 

It tasted sweet and my mouth began to crackle and pop.

She looked at me,scared and curious at the same time and I was beginning to feel warm and wonderful.

She said we must get off the road and took me to a cafe where a few of her friends were sitting on a bench, playing with their dog.

As they talked I could feel myself drifting.

She looked at me and smiled with all the love I had ever felt.

“Come with me” she said and gave me her hand.

I followed her up the stairs to the first floor of this strange place.

There was a man behind the counter who I then came to know was her father.

He seemed kind but stern and she whispered something into his ear.

“Follow” he said and beckoned me down the hallway.

And though I didn’t want to leave her side, I couldn’t refuse him.

I found myself in a room with all sorts of strange people.

Talking to themselves.

Talking in pairs.

Doing little tasks.

I discerned that they had all  taken what you would call…a heroic dose.

Of anything.

As had I,

I was beginning to realise.

I walked to the end of the room and sat on the armchair beside the window.

The only empty seat available. 

Right onto a handful of empty plastic syringes that poured on the floor like many little dead fingers.

The room laughed.

And I felt quite stupid.

There was a sick mangy dog on the table in front of me that stopped biting itself and began to growl and bite at my hands.

 I knew that I was meant to convince the dog to stop.

A little test maybe.

I truly believed I could

With all my being and in a forceful meaningful tone I said “Stop!”

And it did.

I found a book to read.

About a conversation between two madmen,

Trying to convince the other that they were there to help…

Through parables.

The book seemed confusing and I closed it as a man walked through the door,slowly shutting it behind him.

Part scientist,part babysitter in a tweed jacket.

Clean shaven and clinical, he seemed to be running the room and the only one not on anything.

Our eyes met and his attention turned from the man he sat down across from,

To me.

I had my pen in one hand and the book in the other.

“You seem to be full of words” he said jokingly.

I looked down at the contents of my hands and chuckled in agreement.

“I am a bit of a wordsmith” I replied.

“You have been quite quiet for a wordsmith”

We were now in conversation.

“Well, we tend to hold on to them until they are formed into something quite beautiful “

“Tell me,when did you get so calm?” he asked as he pulled his chair closer to me.

“I attained a deep calm in my soul a long time ago” I said.

He turned his body towards me,closing the remaining distance.

“And how did you do that?”

All the wild eyes were now on me.

A pregnant pause in the madness.

“I went though deep trauma”

The whole room knew what I felt.

And the girl next to me stopped her chattering and screamed “FUCK!”.

They could all tell.

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